Big Tancook Island

Well, time for another post. Last weekend, we decided that a 'family' trip to Tancook Island was in order. We also invited our small group to come along and two dear friends from our group came with us. It was a day that started out with one of the girls dragging her heels, but as the day went on, she realized there was no way to get off the island, except to wait for the ferry to take us back to the mainland, so ended up enjoying herself, despite of her initial attitude. It is an interesting island with interesting residents and the girls saw a way of life that was rather foreign to them. We hiked about 6 km through woods, along the beach and back to the ferry via the dirt road. Pictures tend to tell it all, so I will insert some takes of our day away.

Who really wants to be on a ferry with her Dad and Mom??

This is an extreme example of the state of vehicles on Tancook. This car was on the wharf when we arrived. Was beginning to wonder what our day would hold!!

In complete contrast, some beauty of the island.

The beginning of our hike across a meadow towards the beach.

A pond held back by a high natural dyke of tumbled stones.

A little snack break on the beach.

Our dear friends, Kim and Judy, who joined us on our adventure.

Visit to the local graveyard. Some unique stones and quite a few 'Crosses' (our son-in-law's relations).

Buoys in tree.

I wonder how many pictures have been taken of this house - the most colorful one on the island.

All in all a very enjoyable day with outstanding weather. I am gearing up for our next adventure which will hopefully be whale watching off Briar Island before the end of June. Looking forward to the first soccer tournament of the season this weekend.

Becoming Me

The Nickerson clan around 1970.

Maybe it's because I am very close to being another year older, or possibly the fact that I will be Grammie to 3 beautiful girls by the end of the summer, but whatever the cause, my thoughts drift to the past - where I've come from, the present - where I'm going and the future - what my legacy will be.

So I'll start with where I've come from and maybe by the end of this blog I will have saved some money on therapy. Being raised in a family with 9 children I felt that during my pre-teen, teen years my identity was babysitter/peacekeeper and generally avoiding the fray and challenges that my parents dealt with on a continual basis. To this day I will try to avoid conflict at all cost, which I believe is a direct result of my upbringing.

When Andrew came into my life, I completely fell in love, wanting and needing so much to be with him and to begin our life together. As I reflect on this time, I wonder if I was also looking for an out - to be someone special and unique in his eyes. So instead of GIVING - my time, my love, my care, I was running full speed into the role of TAKING and it was so, so good. Andrew was my healer and everything I had ever dreamed that a great husband would be. However, throughout our married life I realized that my identity was once again being tangled in with being a wife and eventually mom. There were times during these years that I felt completely lost and really did not understand who God wanted me to be. The busyness of raising 5 daughters and the reality of desiring to keep our marriage alive and vital was very draining and the years seem to have sped by so quickly.

Although I have gone to church since I was a wee child and considered it always to be important and relevant in my life, I ponder on "why?" and the answers are varied. Being a part of countless small groups, being involved in various ministries through the years, always striving to do the "right" things - investing my time in activity - is this why God created me? Or, as I am slowly beginning to understand, am I here to desire and hopefully achieve a loving, nurturing relationship with my Saviour? There are times I feel I have done everything so backwards. As I seek God and my heart aches for a new closeness with Him, I wonder if the "things" I try to accomplish now, will be for Him rather than me wanting the affirmation of 'a job well done'. Why has it taken so long to figure this out?

Which brings me to the present (or near present). Five years ago, on a whim, I decided I would apply for a part time job (after 23 years of "working" in the home). This was a challenge for me and after the interview (very nervous) and then getting the job, it seemed to fulfill this strange need of someone else appreciating the work I was doing (again looking for affirmation). During this time my baby sister became ill, was diagnosed with Ewings sarcoma (bone cancer) and within 40 days left this earth. She was the gentlest, kindest, most loving person I knew. So, over the duration of her sickness and death every ounce of joy and sense of happiness was sucked from my being. And here we have it again, my sense of identity wrapped up in being the oldest sister, trying to protect and care for and 'save' someone who I loved so much. There was a period of time after Wendy died that I knew there was a battle being waged for my soul. It was so palpable and also very frightening. There had to be prayer warriors bringing me to the throne of grace or I would not be where I am today. God won that battle and He will always be victorious. He conquered the grave and death for me and I am so very thankful for that. All He wants from me is a relationship and yet I when I seem to get close, I veer away. Presently, I am working as a ministry assistant at our church and wondering if this is where I need/want to be. The job can be challenging and I do enjoy the work, but again trying to figure out if God's plan includes this.

On to the future - my legacy. As I think about our grandchildren and the world they will be a part of, I pray that they will learn about the amazing love of God. If I can contribute to that knowledge, I will consider myself blessed and complete.

I am on a journey, and yet I'm not alone. My family, my friends and my God travel with me. May I be identified as a Christ follower and be open to opportunity and growth - all for Him.

James 4:14 ~ How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog - it's here a little while, then it's gone.

Rajaton, Risk and Restlessness

Wow, March 10! Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future.

Anna had an opportunity this past weekend to participate in a weekend with Rajaton, a 6 member acapella singing group from Finland. It was part of an event that the Nova Scotia Choral Federation had organized and Anna is a member of the Annapolis Valley Honor Choir, so was able to go. She had an unforgettable experience and I'm sure the memories will be with her for a long time. Andrew and I purchased tickets for the final concert on Sunday afternoon. I wasn't sure what they would be singing as I had heard that they do a lot of ABBA songs, which Andrew really isn't a big fan of. We were pleasantly surprised and enjoyed 2 hours of wonderful singing, finishing the afternoon with their signature song "Butterfly" backed up with a 500+ voice choir at the Rebecca Cohn. It was beautiful and the sound was amazing. I think we need to embrace more cultural experiences, which will segue into my next thoughts.

I have been thinking a lot about short term missions or possibly spending an extended time in a third world country, maybe partnering with someone who is already established there. I'm not really sure where these thoughts will lead and not sure if this is just a stage of life phase, but I hope that if doors were to open in this direction I would be willing to step out and give what I am able. There are times that I feel that living in this North American culture, we tend to develop a sense of complacency and I wonder if this is what has created this feeling of restlessness.

Life continues on - loving my God and my family.

As We Weep - Do We Respond?

Well, here we are at the end of January and has a month changed anything in my life? Not significantly. As we witness the devastation of the earthquake in Haiti via the immediacy of the media, my heart weeps for these precious people. Our youth pastor sent me a link to a message by Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church - very moving, very real. I believe as Christians in North America we will have much to be accountable for. I am going to try and link this message. I think you will have to copy and paste the url (my computer skills need honing!).

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/special/32-hours-the-church-in-haiti

If you have an hour and a half to spare, this is well worth taking the time to listen.

Carrying on, fiercely loving my family and knowing that when all is said and done, God will indeed win the battle.

Reflections

What a beautiful time we had as a family over the holidays. It was a joy to spend so much time with our sweet granddaughter, Charlotte and it was the first time in awhile when we were all together under one roof. A good friend of Heather's (Laura MacDonald) and a very gifted photographer made time to come and shoot some family photos (not an easy task as our family gets larger!). Thank-you, Laura.

December 28, 2009

As we begin a new year, I am thinking about the areas in my life that need evaluation. Work, home, relationships, family .... As I consider the past year and think about the months, days, hours that have slipped by, I wonder if what I have filled those days with, coincides with what God had intended for me. Are my choices wise? Do I grab those opportunities that could affect others? Am I really living and offering my best to the ones I love the most? For a lot of the past year I would have to answer no to these questions and step back to consider how can I change that outlook for 2010.

Work, for me, is an extra curricular activity. It is something I enjoy and it allows me to spoil the girls a bit. However, stepping into a position that was new and really not established and to try and develop the responsibilities as ministry assistant has, at times, been a challenge. Have I accomplished this? Is it time to allow someone else to grow here? This has been something that has occupied a lot of my thoughts over the holidays.

I have always thought of our home as a safe haven, a place for family and friends to gather and have fun, have thought provoking discussions, have good meals. I hope that as the years have come and gone, that our children have felt comfortable bringing their friends here to hang out and just be themselves. Again, as the children leave the nest, am I using this home to it's full potential? Is there something I'm missing?

My relationship with God, with my family, with my friends are so very important to me. To establish solid, loving relationships needs so much evaluation. I know I need to prioritize the discipline of setting aside the time to read, study and spend good quality time in my relationships. To quote John Fisher ~ "I need to find out what is big enough to move me forward and overcome my own barriers to change. It may be my spiritual gift; it may be forgiveness; it may be my new identity in Christ, it may be a missionary call ... whatever it is, real transformation isn't going to happen until I am in its grip."

"What will it be for me that will transform me so much that it affects what I do and say?"

Testimony

This blog is quite personal, but I am posting it for the benefit of my 3 older daughters, who were not able to be with us in church yesterday.

When Pastor Bob asked me to share my testimony with you this morning, I hesitated and almost said no, because I knew how far this is out of my comfort zone. I then recalled the many, many times I have encouraged our daughters to participate and to take advantage of opportunities.

I Peter 3:15 says - But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you, to give the reason for the hope that you have.

I grew up in a large family, with Christian parents and attended church every Sunday. At a young age, I made a personal decision at a Christian camp to accept Jesus as my Saviour. The truth of what the Bible claimed became clear to me and I knew then that I wasn't just following and accepting what my parents believed but this decision was mine. The years have passed very quickly since I made that decision and I would like to stand here and tell you that my Christian walk since then has been exemplary, but I can't. So far, it has been a journey with a lot of highs and naturally some lows.

In 1980, I married Andrew, the best guy on the planet, and we began our life together. In that same year, Andrew's Dad lost his battle with cancer. Six years into our marriage, Andrew was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, a potentially deadly skin cancer. Through this time my faith was challenged like it had never been before. I could not understand how a loving God would disrupt my life plans and have me face the possibility of losing my husband, leaving me with 2 small girls to raise. Where I couldn't see beyond each day, God was seeing the larger picture. With a very gifted doctor, the amazing support of this church and a small group that cared deeply about us, we stumbled through that valley. That was 23 years ago and as we have journeyed together, we realize that if we did not have God to bring us through the tough times and sustain us with the hope only He can provide, I would probably not be standing here today.

Andrew's Dad and Mom - summer of 1980, Toronto, Ontario

Twelve years ago my mom went ahead of us to meet her Saviour with a clear mind after her struggle with Alzheimers and seven years ago Andrew's mom greeted Jesus after her painful battle with bone cancer. I believe that somehow through all of this God was preparing me for what was yet to come and consistently revealing to me that His arms were always open for me to fall into.

My mom with baby Anna - she was a wonderful mom to 9 children and Grammie to 26.

Dad and Mom at Wendy's graduation from Acadia University.

Four years ago, my baby sister Wendy, was diagnosed with bone cancer. I am sure that many of you here this morning know the pain and distress of cancer - maybe not personally but certainly with loved ones. Wendy was a healthy 35 year old woman, she had a great career in teaching, she was newly married for 6 months and as a family we were shocked and completely unprepared for the heartache and pain that we experienced for her remaining 40 days on earth. It just seemed that at this time my life was good, my oldest daughter was married that same summer and everyone was happy and healthy. I certainly blamed God for this interruption and confusion in our lives and I was very angry. In fact, I came to a crossroads during that time where I was tempted to abandon everything I had been taught, everything I believed in, but God would not let me go. I really struggled to understand why Wendy, why now, why cancer? I still do not have all the answers to those questions, but what I do have is the confidence of knowing the One who does have the answers, and loves me and allows me to rest in Him and let Him carry the load when it is too much to carry on my own.

My beautiful sister, Wendy.

It was an extremely difficult time as I very inadequately tried to explain what was happening to each of our daughters. All I knew was that I had to trust that God was in control and that He would not leave us alone. On the day Wendy left us to be welcomed into her eternal home and her Saviour's presence, our pastors and small group gathered with us. We are very blessed to know the level of care and support we have here at this church and I realize how important it is to build and maintain our relationships.

So, thank you God for not letting me go, thank you church, thank you pastors and thank you to the many small groups that we have been a part of over the years. Your love continues to impress me and gives me the courage to carry on.

Romans 5:3-4

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.

New Starts

Sarah Jacquelyn ~ Grade 10

Anna Laurel ~ Grade 8

                                                                  

I have been meaning to get the first day of school shots up, but until now haven't really had time. It's back to work, managing children's schedules, sports games and life in general. Our two beautiful girls who are still home sure keep us on our toes (and possibly young??) are busy with all the things that a new school year brings. 

Yesterday, I decided I would try my hand at apple jelly making again. Andrew's Gram tried to teach me the old fashioned way to make it many years ago and she always ended up with perfect jelly. Needless to say, I do not have Gram's technique and therefore cannot come up with the same end product. So, I decided to go to Scotian Gold and pick up some of their crabapples (prepackaged with just the right amount of apples with a recipe attached). The result was really good - not quite jelled as much as Gram's, but really good flavor and color. 

This morning I wanted to get some more apple pies in the freezer for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so Andrew willingly cut the apples for me and they are at this moment in the oven filling the house with that wonderful aroma of apple pies - yum. Cleaning is next and then off to do a little shopping with the girls. Andrew is taking advantage of the beautiful weather today and has headed to Cape Split with a couple of guys, so we will have a 'girl' day and do some things we want to do.

For some reason, it's this time of year I miss family the most, those who have passed away. I'm not sure whether it's because of fond memories of activities that were part of my growing up years or just because I am more keenly aware of how quickly time goes by and how important it is to make the most of every day. 

Well, off to my day and wondering what exciting things it will hold.